Make up, Wake up, lets cover this rage. Paint on your smile, your mood for today.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

finalyl

well its sad to say that the only time i find a chance to write is when i have something bothering me to the point of misery and sadly i know no other way other than to write and hope that as i spill it out i feel better.. lets try this out.

Work has been anything but fun adn after 5 extreme burns on my hands from grease im about to shove the fry station up someones ass. I hate that job with a passion.. if u know of a place i can work that doesn't suck extreme ass lemme know. im not enjoying myself .

Bad news everywhere. If u know of loretta and roy, then u know that they are here 24/7... if not then u know now. they are my moms best friends and pretty close to our family. Yesterday they discovered that lorettas mom has cancer and is going to die in 3 months... her mother is an awesome person and its just not fair. Then if thats not enough Jenny has 3 new tumors on her brain and has 6 months to live.... that girl has outlived every expectation but i think that after 18 yrs old suffering she will let go. I feel bad because its not exactly easy to have a conversation with her considering she is deaf and blind and finger spelling one sentence takes about 2 min. So conversations are kept short and left to hugs to say the rest. I just have this fear that i haven't given her enough time, enough anything adn now i feel like i have ot make sure to show her i do care, but with whats going on in my life i just don't have a whole lot of time. I just hope those hugs are telling her more than what i need to say.

i get my wisdom teeth out friday. all 5.. yes i have 5 because my teeth are psychotic and feel the need to not be normal. so to all u kids that may be wondering my surgery on my jaw is postponed till december because i have these damn teeth to get removed. i need lots of love and understanding and baby food *ANNIE* lol.
annie and i were poor as babies and didn' t have gerber so we love it now.. lacey was rich and had gerber so she doesn't like it../// whore////
well thats all i have to really say

Posted at 11:26 am by dearloneliness
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Monday, June 21, 2004

finally

So yea guys im finally writing in here. i know you have all missed my lovely words. Last nite was fun. Went to renee's graduation party. froze my ass off, heard some crazy ass shooting his gun at 4 am, and slept in the most mangled up position possible, but hell it was fun. I took a whole shit load of new pics today. haha r u aware if u try to leave this page while typing, it will ask u if u r sure u want to "navigate" to other pages? how cool is that. My body hates me. im poisoning it left and right, and loving every minute. I stayed at angela's a couple days or so ago. It was fun. I had to make sure steph and annie didn't throw up and choke though lol. so it was interesting.

This band fuckin rocks. The Bank Robbers. Check em out kids, on purevolume.com. Why is no one online... its pissing me off hardcore. My whole body is freezing and tomorrow is the first day of summer. Yes thats right kids. its 40 degrees and now summer. mmm i love pa. and so what the fuck is up with stereokiller now having 3 default pics. that shit fucked me up lol.
hey guys i got a job. At wendys. woohoooo.. i mean shit, i feel like im going to get my ass kicked by those kids. they are all like "hardknock life kids" and its creepy as fuck. me and annie are going ot learn how to use those knives there real well. ill stab the bitches. And crazy ladys with bacon. "I'd like my bacon well cooked" Im talking to jesus on stereokiller. its hot. Im also listening to coheed and cambria, which reminds me of lacey... zoning out and almost going straight thru red lights. fuckin airhead lol. i love her. i have ate from taco bell for like 5 days straight now and lemme tell u what kids. i have been shitting real well.

heres some pics. Wish me luck on keeping up on this shit lol

i have no clue what im doing in this pic lol but it looked funny.

me and my guitar are very sexual :)

Posted at 12:35 am by dearloneliness
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Tuesday, May 25, 2004

eventful

ok so this week has been so eventful well last week. and i still have not posted at all. Last week we had major floods, bomb threats, and enough drama to make me wanna blow my head off. Im so bored. I stayed home from school today cuz i definitely starting throwing up right as the bus came lol. Oopsy. Yesterday was freaky. First i went to school late cuz i needed some more sleep. So my mom and i stopped at sheetz for something to eat really quick, i grabbed donuts while she filled up the gas tank. Well she decided to take her sweet ass time, so some old man walked into the store came right over to me said " i would kiss you, but im not aloud" and walked out of the store without buying a thing. I was left there just me and my donuts with a confused to hell look. The girl behind the counter found it to be "intense" but i think maybe she needs to lay off the drugs lol. School was school until about hmm 2 when we had a bomb threat. I was right in the middle of taking a quiz and those bastards had to do that. Now i definitely don't remember what im doing on it. Fuck. So pete rachel kimmy and i hung out. We went to value city and checked out the swim suits. I bought a hip bikini that has 80's chicks on my boobs and some odd place on my ass. Its pretty though lol. Im so bored and i have nothing to do today. At all. My mom leaves for work in about a half hour, but not soon enough.
I need food.

Posted at 02:14 pm by dearloneliness
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Sunday, May 16, 2004

weekend of no love :(

i got no love at all this weekend. a few hugs, but no loving. Im such a lonely girl lately and it seems when i need love the most no one wants to give it :(
but on the other side of things, i was with my friends, which is a great thing. Firday nite lacey and i went to the show at the sertoma club, that was a damn good show and it was beautiful outside so everyone could chill outside in between bands. i got to see my buddies including luke. My Final Hour played and those boys are pretty awesome. Again no loving for janae that nite

Saturday: Lacey and me woke up and really had nothing ot do, so we ate like normal.. and ate some more. Then we got my dad to take us downtown. We wandered around there and sat in the mall with no point to move until about 30 min before the show. Me and lacey sat outside in teh cold rain and i decided i would not be cool as a homeless person. I can't handle the cold. Brrr. Then for the show. Good times my firends. First band Okio was just hilarious and full of energy. Drake really kicked some ass on those drums lol. then for tattered. They have it together, and know how to play , but damn can they stress their "darkness" anymore? every other word is about their extreme hate for llife or pain. We alll hurt we all sometimes hate life. Blah get over it. Displaced then played. Those boys were kick ass and despite their power going out twice, they were fuckin awesome. i jammed to them and then scored a free cd for hugging them :o) i love musicians. Nailas band kicked ass playing but i think i managed to just kinda find my way outside to talk to some stranger and at some point in that nite i got dragged outside, so my ass is feeling quite a bit of pain right now
.

EVERYONE IS SLEEPING. its 4 in the afternoon and every prom fucker is sleeping. Why didn't i go to prom.. oh yea because im cool. lol Rachel looked beautiful last nite i just wanted to hump her hardcore but i was afraid i would damage her dress lol... my humps are dangerous
i really don't know what else to say.
Im pissed at chris because he told me to call him and so i did , no answer, so i wasn't worried i was having fun by myself, but then he had to come to the show to say hi, and tell me that we couldn't hang out. how cool is that. tease me by being there and then throw me right off a fuckin cliff. Did i ever express my hate for people? oh yea i really fuckin hate people. I NEED A BOYFRIEND. but one that can deal with me cuz im odd and one that isn't going to break my heart everytime i see them . Bear with me guys i just took my zoloft and it hasn't quite kicked in yet. My uterus hurts, thats another thing that pisses me off, why is it that everytime u rag it u r fuckin horny as hell adn u can't do shit about it cuz ur vagina is like a never ending bleeding machine and for 3 days u have to sit there adn cry because u just want to jump the next thing with a penis but u know all along that they don't want a bleeding thing on them. FUCK

Posted at 03:45 pm by dearloneliness
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

great greatgreat

Wow the show on saturday was so fuckin amazing. Everyone that played was just incredible and it was hard to believe that it was some of their first shows. Annie did such an amazing job setting up the show and she also did soooo soo good playing. i got all emotional watching her perform because i was just sooooo proud. So yea, im home lol from school yet again. Im taking new meds.. zoloft.. because now i don't have anxiety. I just have a panic disorder and OCD. So much better.

Ok done taking a piss. I fell asleep on the trampoline because im just so damn drowsy and im pretty sure i burnt the hell out of my skin.I have white trash roots now lol and im half tempted to dye my hair(yet again) and cut it.. but i know a couple weeks from now ill be pissed off at myself and want longer hair. I hate me, im such an indecisive whore sometimes. I had a fight with the shampoo bottle last nite cuz i assumed shampoo bottles making a *CLICK* noise when they open and this one just wouldn't click so i slammed my hand into it rather hard and took about 7 layers of skin off and bruised it pretty good. I decided the bottle is just deformed and doesn't have a clicker. fuckin shampoo. It stormed hardcore last nite, i was pretty sure i was going to wake up with no roof or some shit. Im trying to sell my lizard, come on guys u know u wanna buy him, hes soo hot. i can' twait for tommorow, im trading my other electric in for an acoustic.
ah fuckin dog took a shit on the floor.

*i hate puppies*

Posted at 02:58 pm by dearloneliness
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Tuesday, May 04, 2004

my ice melts too fast

I just read an article in a magazine about how anti depressants actually fuck kids up more.lovely since i have been on them for like 2 years now. No wonder im fucked to no end now.

I haven't been to school for 2 days now. School is a waste of time. in these two days i have completed 4 missions on S.W.AT., wrote 4 new songs, showered, watched more tv than i have ever watched, met tons of interesting people on www.bolt.com * really awesome site*, i also had time to break my guitar in all this time lol. The sun is out today though and im half tempted to go slam my ass on the trampoline because it looks so pleasant. My sister is home from school today. She is busy kissing my moms ass and smirking at me to let me know that she has more approval than i have ever received. My mom thinks i don't need a therapist, she thinks i should be able to talk to her, but after 2 min of telling her what is on my mind, she walked away with a blank stare and hasn't came within 2 feet of me without a hint of fear in her eyes. Speaking of eyes, my eyes itch. Today feels like a good day to run around nude... if it wasn't about 40 degrees outside i would pursue it lol. So i thought taking birth control pills are used to clear ur skin, control menstrual cycles, and prevent pregnany. So far they have done way more than that. I now can say i cry happily when i see a child * i used to think of ways to kill them* my skin looks more blotchy and fucked up than ever.. and i find myself licking the pill before i take it.. *sugar coating* Im pretty damn emo now. and it scares the shit out of me. but no worries guys im still a bitch. I finally cashed my 14 dollar check yesterday. I got a microphone so i can record my songs because for some reason i can't remember shit. I even find my self singing one line and by the next i forget what i had just said and the rest of the song turns into one big rant about how fuckin pissed i am that i fucked up once again. Speaking of rants. I wish i was honestly love handicap, i wish i had no ability to feel dependent on another human being. I want to be completely content with myself and i am until somebody decides to drop their ass in my life and i find myself writing no longer about myself, but about how i think about how they are as a person. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE SELFISH.ill end this entry with one last thought that just raced thru my head.

"Wouldn't that just be the shit if jesus is just a fat ass pothead chillin wtih his cheetos and jammin to ludacris playing some ps2 and whacking off--- fuckin christians"

Posted at 11:36 am by dearloneliness
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