I haven't been to school for 2 days now. School is a waste of time. in these two days i have completed 4 missions on S.W.AT., wrote 4 new songs, showered, watched more tv than i have ever watched, met tons of interesting people on www.bolt.com * really awesome site*, i also had time to break my guitar in all this time lol. The sun is out today though and im half tempted to go slam my ass on the trampoline because it looks so pleasant. My sister is home from school today. She is busy kissing my moms ass and smirking at me to let me know that she has more approval than i have ever received. My mom thinks i don't need a therapist, she thinks i should be able to talk to her, but after 2 min of telling her what is on my mind, she walked away with a blank stare and hasn't came within 2 feet of me without a hint of fear in her eyes. Speaking of eyes, my eyes itch. Today feels like a good day to run around nude... if it wasn't about 40 degrees outside i would pursue it lol. So i thought taking birth control pills are used to clear ur skin, control menstrual cycles, and prevent pregnany. So far they have done way more than that. I now can say i cry happily when i see a child * i used to think of ways to kill them* my skin looks more blotchy and fucked up than ever.. and i find myself licking the pill before i take it.. *sugar coating* Im pretty damn emo now. and it scares the shit out of me. but no worries guys im still a bitch. I finally cashed my 14 dollar check yesterday. I got a microphone so i can record my songs because for some reason i can't remember shit. I even find my self singing one line and by the next i forget what i had just said and the rest of the song turns into one big rant about how fuckin pissed i am that i fucked up once again. Speaking of rants. I wish i was honestly love handicap, i wish i had no ability to feel dependent on another human being. I want to be completely content with myself and i am until somebody decides to drop their ass in my life and i find myself writing no longer about myself, but about how i think about how they are as a person. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE SELFISH.ill end this entry with one last thought that just raced thru my head.
"Wouldn't that just be the shit if jesus is just a fat ass pothead chillin wtih his cheetos and jammin to ludacris playing some ps2 and whacking off--- fuckin christians"